"I have never been interested in politics...but since a communist ran for president last summer I all the sudden got interested."-Victoria Jackson, SNL cast member 1986-1992.

"I only perform mouth to mouth resuscitation if you're over 21 and under 30 and a girl." -Lou Holtz

"Obama fails to win Nobel prize in economics"
http://www.marketwatch.com/story/obama-fails-to-win-nobel-prize-in-economics-2009-10-12

"Physics is a bitch." -Leonard Nimoy as William Bell in Fringe.

"Mr. Biden has a record rare in its consistency and duration of being wrong about big national security questions."-Karl Rove

Fox is refusing to air Obama's primetime news conference tonight, opting to show an episode of "Lie to Me" instead.

There is something fundamentally wrong about the government demanding up to 35% of your income when God only asks for 10%.

"Uwe Boll would have made a better film."

"Though this nation has proudly thought of itself as an ethnic melting pot, in things racial we have always been and continue to be, in too many ways, essentially a nation of cowards. Though race related issues continue to occupy a significant portion of our political discussion, and though there remain many unresolved racial issues in this nation, we, average Americans, simply do not talk enough with each other about race. It is an issue we have never been at ease with and given our nation’s history this is in some ways understandable. And yet, if we are to make progress in this area we must feel comfortable enough with one another, and tolerant enough of each other, to have frank conversations about the racial matters that continue to divide us."- Attorney General Eric Holder's remarks on Black History Month, February 18, 2009

"It's kind of interesting because there's some - there's a common thread that ran through that. The governor of Louisiana expressed opposition. Louisiana has the highest African-American population in the country. The governor of Mississippi expressed opposition. The governor of Texas and the governor of South Carolina. These four governors represent states that are in the proverbial black belt. I was insulted by that... All of this was a slap in the face of African-Americans." -Congressman James Clyburn on governors' opposition to the stimulus bill, February 19, 2009

I was trying to parody Obama's economic plans, but Geithner took the wind out of my sails. Geithner unveiled a Economic Stability Plan yesterday that calls for $2 trillion to stabilize the banking industry.
And the plan is only a loose starting framework.
And they haven't finished the housing plan yet.
You really can't parody this. Whatever ridiculous plan you come up with, Obama's team is already drawing it up, except with triple the funding and twice the scope.

February 10, 2009:
Senate passes $838 billion stimulus package. Bill goes to conference committee.
Obama's Economic Team unveils TARP II, allocating $100 billion for a bad asset bank, $200 billion for direct bank bailouts, and $50 billion for kaishakunin to facilitate upper management restructuring.
February 13:
180,000 jobs lost for week.
February 16:
Conference Committee reports $950 billion stimulus package. Provisions include $200 billion for tax cuts, $300 billion for infrastructure rebuilding, $50 billion for Congressional Republican anal reaming, and $400 billion for "God knows what."
February 17:
Obama declares opposition to stimulus package to be anti-intellectual.
February 18:
Visibly sore Senators Snowe, Spector, and Collins officially switch parties.
Stimulus bill passes Congress.
February 19:
Obama signs stimulus package and declares victory over recession.
February 20:
200,000 jobs lost for week.
February 23:
Economic team declares need for $250 billion to handle housing crisis.
February 27:
270,000 jobs lost for week.

Judge Napolitano just mentioned offhand in a discussion about Blago that Michelle Obama's salary at the University of Chicago Hospitals was tripled after Sen. Obama got the hospitals a $4 million grant.

Licking the Lesnar: Use performance enhancing drugs. Named after muscle freak and UFC Heavyweight champion Brock Lesnar.

Ben's Law: Any movie under 85 87 90 minutes will be disappointing. Animated movies excepted.

Lumberjack Movie: A movie that claims to be an action film but has a plodding pace and long, ponderous discussions of things like buggery. Coined after watching the Clive Owen movie I'll Sleep when I'm Dead.

"Meanwhile, a lone lumberjack wanders through the forest...": Any random cut to an entirely different location and characters for no good reason. Also from I'll Sleep when I'm Dead.

Cannes Law: The more film festival selections a movie has, the more likely it is to be a Lumberjack Movie.

"Two plumbers and a robot...": The weird movie you can't remember the title to and that no one can identify by your description.

Technical difficulties kept Gay Episcopal Bishop Gene Robinson's prayer at an Obama inauguration event from being heard by most of the crowd or broadcast over HBO.

Obama is a socialist.
McCain pitches socialists across the room.

Obama is an agent of change.
McCain has to have assistance changing.

McCain will cut everyone's taxes.
Obama will only tax people you don't know.

McCain will make Joe the Plumber Secretary of the Interior.
Obama will burn Joe's business to the ground.

Obama promises to talk to our enemies.
McCain promises to give our enemies the finger.

Obama's running mate is a cranky old foreign policy wonk.
McCain's running mate is an inexperienced agent of change.

Internet rumors claim Obama wasn't born in the US.
Internet rumors claim McCain was born before there was a US.

Obama favors nuclear disarmament.
McCain thinks Iran would look better if it was glowing.

Obama has promised to take a scalpel to the federal budget.
McCain has promised to take a hatchet to Nancy Pelosi.

McCain claims the fundamentals of our economy are strong.
Obama has promised to do something about that.

1. Texas 1,120 (8-0)
2. USC 1,062 (6-1)
3. Georgia 1,052 (7-1)
4. Penn State 1,027 (8-0)
5. Florida 1,021 (6-1)
6. Oklahoma 993 (7-1)
7. Alabama 990 (8-0)
8. Ohio State 935 (7-2)
9. LSU 848 (5-2)
10. Oklahoma State 801 (7-1)
11. Missouri 849 (6-2)
12. Oregon 802 (6-2)
13. Utah 778 (8-0)
14. Texas Tech 761 (8-0)
15. Boise State 735 (7-0)
16. Florida State 710 (6-1)
17. TCU 704 (8-1)
18. BYU 703 (7-1)
19. Virginia Tech 702 (5-3)
20. Michigan State 700 (7-2)
21. Boston College 689 (5-2)
22. Oregon State 688 (4-3)
23. West Virginia 673 (5-2)
24. California 672 (5-2)
25. Kentucky 659 (5-3)( Read more... )
59. Mississippi State 358 (3-5)
60. Ball State 356 (8-0)
61. Michigan 352 (2-6)
62. Ole Miss 342 (4-4)( Read more... )
120. North Texas -579 (0-8)

I voted today. Here's my selections:

President/Vice President:
John McCain/Sarah Palin

Senators:
Thad Chocran
Roger Wicker

US Representative:
Greg Davis